"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
"The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint."
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out.""
"Straight girls like me. They flirt with me to get whatever they want. Of course it works."
"Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting."
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty.""