"Dogs come when they are called. Cats have answering machines and may get back to you."
Anonymous | Funny #627
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"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. "
Anonymous | Funny #716
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"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. "
Joe E Lewis | Funny #750
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"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
Phyllis Diller | Funny #764
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"Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!"
Robin Williams | Funny #832
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"There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins."
Josh Billings | Funny #929
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"He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. "
Zsa Zsa Gabor | Funny #959
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"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
Jimmy Durante | Funny #970
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"I've watched so many mystery stories on T.V, when I turn off the set I wipe my finger-prints off the dial."
Anonymous | Funny #1094
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"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
Robin Williams | Funny #1564
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"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "
Albert Einstein | Funny #1991
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"Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?"
Anonymous | Funny #2266
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