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| “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. ” |
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Joe E Lewis | Funny #750
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| “He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. ” |
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| Zsa Zsa Gabor | Funny #959
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| “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ” |
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| Albert Einstein | Funny #1991
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| “In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.” |
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| Len Deighton | Funny #2784
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| “Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. ” |
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| Oscar Levant | Funny #5527
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| “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” |
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| Groucho Marx | Funny #11056
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| “I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. ” |
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| Imelda Marcos | Funny #11965
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| “Love is like a game of chess: One false move and you're mated.” |
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| Anonymous | Funny #12168
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| “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” |
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| Robin Williams | Funny #14803
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| “A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep” |
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| H Auden | Funny #15472
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